My 2011 Year Soundtrack

More or less in chronological order these songs represent and accompany the events and reflections of the year.

Treat Her Like A Lady - Celine Dion
Heartbreak Warfare - John Mayer
I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You) - John Mayer
Stop This Train - John Mayer
So She Dances - Josh Groban
The Creep - The Lonely Island
Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
Always Be My Baby - Mariah Carey
Never Let You Go - Third Eye Blind
Breakeven - The Script
Bigger - Backstreet Boys
Howling For You - The Black Keys
Breaking The Girl - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Scar Tissue - Red Hot Chili Peppers
The Sweetest Thing - U2
Caught Up In You - .38 Special
Love Never Goes Away ~ Seven Brides for Seven Brothers soundtrack
Last Friday Night - Katy Perry
Feel This - Bethany Joy Galeotti featuring Enation
If God Made You - Five For Fighting
Wonderwall - Oasis
Parachute - Train
Crazy for You - N Sync
No One Has Eyes Like You - Billy Currington
Push - Matchbox Twenty
To Love You More - Celine Dion
Because Of You - 98 Degrees
All You Wanted - Michelle Branch
I Drive Myself Crazy - N Sync
No Living Without Loving You - Celine Dion
I Believe In You - Vertical Horizon
Come A Little Closer - Dierks Bentley
Finding Me - Vertical Horizon
One Of You - Vertical Horizon
The Letter - Natalie Merchant
The Middle Ground - Vertical Horizon
If You Ever Come Back - The Script
Better When You're Not There - Vertical Horizon
Secrets - OneRepublic
My, My, My - Rob Thomas
Fall For Anything - The Script
Problem Girl - Rob Thomas
Elephant Love Medley - Moulin Rouge soundtrack
I'm Just A Girl - No Doubt

Desire, Pursue, Reveal

When I asked if this is real

You said you were trying to tell me I’m the one you choose

But that you weren’t doing a good job at it

So I believed as you squeezed me close

Now I contemplate my perspective

As I consider your words, actions, and absence

You said you’re not ready, and you walked away

You want to be my friend, but you don’t share

Those deep eyes still try to soak me in

But I see the confusion clouding you

As your sacrificial heart becomes a battlefield

Choices: stand alone, steering from the weight you inevitably hold or confront emotions

Now I step back, waiting, your move determines my response

You can’t honestly say the friendship didn’t bloom beyond

Consider us and realize what exists here, valued

An honest love by faith supported, connected in lives shared

The saddest thing is to let go of something true

Take the time to be real with yourself, genuinely seek

What you want rests in you, waiting patiently

Find that desire and pursue it; reveal your love

Ordinary Hero

When I first met you

You seemed like any other guy

An ordinary man in an ordinary place

But the timing extraordinary circumstances

I saw the heart inside you

And glimpsed the hero beneath the clothes

I opened to you, and you crawled into me

But before settling, you started a war with yourself

A hero fighting himself becomes the villain

Stepping away from the issue, he takes the hits

Pulling in the ones he’s trying to protect

The longer the battle, the greater the harm

None can stop it but the hero

There’s no other choice

So lower your firsts and extend to me your hand

Before I fall out of reach

Stop the internal battle and conquer the world, not yourself

The world needs people like you

So give me my say and let me join you

Together we’ll fly

Bumpy Waiting

The longer I wait, the harder it gets

What appeared as a bump my eyes now distort

My mind starts to play tricks

And I don’t want to play the fool

You stood at my side and described it

But now I stand here alone again

I’m trying to see through the fog a wall or more road

In confidence I see more, but doubt’s creeping

Tell me you hate the distance too, this absence

I can’t hear the beat of your heart when you’re not holding me

If this is for me, and I’m the one you choose

Pull me close and tell me so

I’m easier to protect if I’m near you

Within arm’s reach allows nearness and connected space

But never out of sigh, security, or support

Together we can lift each other up, bumps slowing not stopping us

I still know what I want

Assure me you still feel the same

You want to be with me; embrace me again

I’ll wait if you tell me you’ll fight for us

The Hardest Thing Is to Live a Lie

            A romantic relationship might arguably be “The Hardest Thing.” Love, its presence, its absence, its complications, and its benefits work their way into nearly every song. Pop songs, particularly by the popular nineties boy bands emphasize romance. 98 Degrees’ song “The Hardest Thing” presents the difficulty in breaking off a relationship. However, an interpretation of this song shows how attempting to let go of a love someone doesn’t actually want to cut off creates cognitive dissonance. The singer’s thought of leaving his girlfriend immediately puts him in a battle with himself. Following Monroe’s Motivated Sequence, he presents himself with what would potentially be his need to keep a distance from her if he were to break off the relationship. His overarching cause for dissonance comes from his desire to not live a lie, what he would do if he carried out the actions that would occur if he followed his vision presented through the lyrics and music video of the song.

            The flow of the lyrics generally follows, or at least utilizes, each step of Monroe’s Motivated Sequence as he presents the problem, calling himself into the necessary action to carry out the decision he’s imagining making. Alan Monroe’s sequence breaks a message into “sensible parts; each step logically sets up the next” (Woodward & Denton 156). Persuasion and Influence in American Life outlines these steps: “Attention leads to recognition of a problem, which in turn will be satisfied by a solution. In the final two steps, the solution is made concrete through visualization, meaning the solution is shown as it might look in the lives of an audience. The sequence closes with an action step that asks the audience to commit to at least a first step in changing” (Woodward & Denton 156). The follow this pattern as the singer presents himself with the problem that would result from him making the decision to end his relationship, also creating the cognitive dissonance of living a lie. He imagines how events would unfold as he and this woman moved on with their lives, him still loving her, and what he would have to do to continue carrying out the initial action.

He calls attention to the problem as he addresses the woman at the beginning where he describes, “We both know that I shouldn’t be here/This is wrong/And baby it’s killing me. It’s killing you/Both of us trying to be strong” (Kipner & Frank 1998).  If he broke off the relationship with her, he realizes that continuing to see her would eventually cause problems. He chooses the strong word “killing” to emphasize the hurt they would cause each other by maintaining contact without the connection. That immediately draws attention to the fact that he would have to cut off the relationship fully in order to cleanly let go.

            From there, he starts imagining the need. If he makes this decision, he would have to follow it with a series of actions to ensure detachment. He has to convince himself to do this in the first place, so he would naturally still desire a connection with the woman he loves. He first points out how he’s “got somewhere else to be” as he imagines his life with someone else and then asserts to himself, “I’ve made up my mind/There is no turning back/She’s been good to me/And she deserves better than that” (Kipner & Frank 1998). In the chorus, he starts describing the solution to his problem with maintaining contact; he outlines what he would have to do to separate himself from his woman. He sings, “It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do/to look you in the eye/and tell you I don’t love you/It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to lie/to show no emotion when you start to cry” (Kipner & Frank 1998).

            This also hints at the cognitive dissonance he feels regarding this potential decision. The music video reflects this as it depicts the lead singer as a boxer. That role creates the fighting analogy. The beginning of the video shows lead singer Nick Lachey preparing for a fight, practicing hitting a punching bag and lifting weights to develop the necessary strength. Then viewers see him in various shots in the ring, which represents his internal battle (The Hardest Thing 1999).

            The lyrics continue to describe the solution to this battle as it visualizes how events would unfold if he were to decide to call this decision into action. After he cuts ties with his woman, he would have to conceal his love from her so that she would move on and so that he could try to move on with his life. He describes, “I can’t let you see what you mean to me/when my hands are tied and my heart’s not free/we’re not meant to be/It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do/to turn around and walk away/pretending I don’t love you” (Kipner & Frank 1998). He convinces himself that he would have to be true to his decision, trying to tell himself that he would be with someone else to whom he should remain loyal. Yet he still recognizes that he will see his love again: “I know that we’ll meet again/fate has a place and time” (Kipner & Frank 1998). He also still conveys his not wanting to let go as he sings, “Maybe another time, another day/as much as I want to, I can’t stay,” and declares that he will continue to love her secretly as he sings, “Like Dr. Zhivago/all my love I’ll be sending/and you will never know/’cause there will be no happy ending” (Kipner & Frank 1998). The last line in that part also recognizes that this scenario will not alleviate the dissonance he would experience for leaving his love, thus living a lie.

            The overarching dissonance over not wanting to live a lie comes into play, leaving him at the need to take action by making a decision. The last lines of the song declare, “I don’t want to live a lie/what can I do?” (Kipner & Frank 1998). As he describes the potential sequence of events for carrying out the considered action, it becomes evident that doing so would create internal dissonance. The onset of that thought causes an internal battle, visually depicted as the singer’s role as a boxer. The deliberation brings him into the boxing rink, where he subjects himself to the hits. Before that, he attempts to build his strength to do it, and he sees how it affects his girlfriend in the process. She even appears in the rink as he prepares for the final fight, one of the two times he smiles in the video. When he envisions the actual breakup, he is geared up for actual fight. She cries; he attempts to conceal his love by keeping his gaze away from her, but he eventually turns his head toward her and kisses her. Then he enters the fighting ring, giving and taking hits. As he attempts to battle or deliberate over his decision, his girlfriend works her way toward the ring. When he sits back in the corner of the ring, looking defeated, he notices his girlfriend, who had worked her way to the front of the crowd. She smiles at him, and he returns it, relief apparent (The Hardest Thing 1999). The fight ends with him staying true to his values of not living a lie as he does not carry out the action related to the fight.

Given the content of the lyrics and the depiction of the lovers in the video, he must stay true to his relationship. The thought of leaving her instantly creates cognitive dissonance and starts an internal battle. The singer presents himself with a presentation of how events would unfold if he let his love go, telling himself what he would have to do to let them move on in their lives. The way in which he describes them highlight how they would make him live a lie, as he would continue loving her, though secretly. Battles get depicted through the lyrics as they describe how events would unfold, while revealing he would actually never stop loving her, and through the visual boxing analogy. Both these features of the song end with a determination to not take the action to end the relationship as he declares that he doesn’t “want to live a lie” and reconnects with his girlfriend, happy again.

References

The Hardest Thing (music video). 1999.

Kipner, Steve. Frank, David. (1998). The Hardest Thing (98 Degrees). On 98 Degrees and

Rising [cd]. New York: Motown Record Company.

Woodward, Gary C. Denton, Robert E. Jr. Persuasion and influence in American life.

Waveland: Illinois, 2009.

Be My Autumn

Eyes closed in the afternoon

Under the covers again, but

Now the sun shines beyond the blinds

Letting my smiling heart float

The breeze brushes through the air

Guiding rustling leaves across the ground

Leaves fall from the sky, and the temperature drops

As autumn arrives

A season of change before more buds

Developing for more life

A beauty in the bare branches, vulnerable

And hope for continual bloom

Be my autumn

We’ll transition together, later to bloom together

Two birches growing side by side, forever intertwined

Holding each other up, ever reaching the sky

My cheeks rise to my brightened eyes

As you lift my heart in your hands

Where you place it beside yours, so selfless

Arms open always for me, understood, secure, connected, loved.

Molded in Your Hands

Oh Lord, You made me with Your hands

Molded me in Your image

Created as good though broken I am

Still it’s Your hands that heal

I rest in Your palm, a sanctuary

And You take me by the hand

Holding me close, leading me heavenward

Though I stumble and hesitate, I’ll never fall

The path I’m on showcases your beauty

Your glory shining throughout creation

The sun sets and always rises again

Two of many masterpieces daily, so universal yet so personal

All agendas set to Your time

As you bring Light to the good and to the bad

In my weakness, I have Your strength

At high and low points, you provide my sustenance and support

You know me better than I do myself

And You live in me, there to gently steer

I make mistakes, but Your grace covers me

Softly pushing me, the path points to You, always at my side

Per Swayed Son

Parents tell their boys, so they grow to men,

Everything they need to know to

Ripen their possibilities, with proper perception of love

Starting with the basics, found virtuous and sound

Worthy of respect in honorable intentions

A woman will recognize the

Young gentlemen that evolve

Expressing their tender care as they

Dare to pursue a true love

So someday they’ll hold

One heart in their hands

Naturally molded together as one, rooted in bloom

The Lost Boys

Time and time again it seems

Hopeless

Ever breaking hearts spilling

Lust prevails on the streets

Obstructing a clean view

Such simple acts

Taking so much hope away

Bypassing the heart of the matter

Only pieces remain after careless encounters

Young boys, unguided, get lost

Soon to find themselves crashed and burned, detached

Show Me Love

I can see it in your eyes
that distant pain
a shadow behind the bright glow
You're scared, but you're strong

I'm going to teach you how to love
I'll show you how much I care
With my arms around you, I'll hold you close
surrounding your heart

Your golden green eyes and tender smile,
so beautiful and you don't even know
the warmth of your heart
how it flows into those around you

I'm going to show you how to love
by loving you the way you deserve
I'll wrap myself around you
protecting the treasure of you

You've never fallen before
but I'll reach out to you
take you by the hand
to float heart by heart
finding our path together

Crazy, Stupid, Love. Is Patient Endurance and Relentless Devotion

I recently added Crazy, Stupid, Love. to my top movies list; the movie is fantastic. It constantly makes me laugh, and it also sends tears down my cheeks. Love does that to us too. As pointed out in the movie, “You don’t give up on your soul mate,” and as audiences witness, sometimes you have to wait until that significant person is ready to connect vulnerably (sometimes they hide that love as they prepare), and you should remind them of your relentless devotion.

          The opening scene shows the married couple out to a dinner that concludes with Emily (Julianne Moore) admitting to her husband Cal (Steve Carell) that she wants a divorce, putting Cal in a position where he must wait unrelentingly for his soul mate to be ready to be together again. We see Cal as he tries to move on and then comes back to fight for his love.

          Numerous times Cal subtly demonstrates that he hasn’t given up hope on his marriage. He always shows a strong desire to talk about his wife and children even though Jacob, the suave friend he makes at the bar, instructs him to no longer do that, and he sneaks into the backyard at night to tend to the plants and yard. One evening, Cal watches through the window as his wife calls the kids down for ice cream and she heads into another room. She picks up her phone to make a call, and Cal sees she’s calling him. The scene exemplifies that they truly still hold onto their love but they are not quite ready to admit it and return to their marriage.

          Emily says she needs help with the heat lamp, but, as he sees, the call goes deeper than that. He looks on at her as he stands outside the window, holding onto his hope. Fortunately he gets some tangible assurance that his wife still reciprocates love; he just has to grant her the distance she needs before she returns, and he has to show her that he will not give up on their marriage.

          Ultimately Cal exemplifies two qualities that help him keep his marriage: patient endurance and relentless devotion. Though his situation takes place in a marriage relationship and involves enduring hardship (infidelity in this case), the traits he demonstrates can apply to those people who have yet to find their mate. He waits for his soul mate to be ready again, and he fights for her, making sure she knows he’s there for her. Sometimes you have to utilize these traits in a love relationship; your significant other does not always arrive at the same points at exactly the same time as you do. You or the other person may have more growth to do before being adequately prepared to begin such a relationship so it endures. Desires and needs do not always come to you right away, but you may find reward in patiently enduring. During the wait, you might comfort the other person in reminding him or her of your relentless devotion. This demonstrates a genuine and strong love that can withstand the wait for that soul mate.

          God created you to be in relationship. Most importantly you find completion in maintaining one with Him, but you need human support as well. You naturally long for a soul mate to share life together. However, the answer to the prayer for that person does not come immediately. You must first establish yourself in relationship to God and find some satisfaction in yourself. That provides a foundation in which to build further with a significant other, which indicates some personal preparation first. During that period, you patiently wait for that time to come. Song of Songs declares, “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (3:5).

          However, if searching, it should be done actively. Your soul mate most likely will not come knock on your door unprovoked; you need to put efforts out to be available (or to initiate things if you are the gentleman). The relentless devotion also comes into play here. People ease into relationships; knowing that the person you’re falling for will catch you helps. At first Cal attempted to let Emily go as she requested, but he came back and made it known to her that he would not give up. This allowed her to follow her desire to maintain their marriage and then draw closer once ready again.

          Patient endurance and relentless devotion play an important role in developing and maintaining a romantic relationship. Cal gave his wife space as she needed it to prepare herself, and he made it known to her that he would not give up on her. You should take up these two traits too, starting with building a foundation rooted in a relationship with God. Then as you build up, waiting for the time to awaken that love, you can make your devotion to that person known when it comes. 

Your Name, My Color

The boy with the green eyes,
he has your name.
When he looks at me
I see that glimmer.
It's the same as yours
I saw that time you let slip
you think I'm beautiful
because sometimes the fondness concealed
seeps out in your sparkling eyes and upward grin.

Though the boy shares your name,
it's more like a reflection of myself.
I see my signature green on his shirt
and the pencil held in the same dominant hand.
He asks me for help
and finds ways to catch my eye
eager to share love
rather than hiding behind a prickly shell.

He has your name,
but he is not you.
He wears my color,
but he is not me.
What we have,
our connection, our dynamic,
is unique to us,
a novelty in love.
With the depths it reaches inside,
I know our hearts will coincide.

Light Beyond the Gray

I see the rain in front of me,

But I see clearly.

The sun is still glowing

In the cloud laden horizon ahead.

Though there’s gray above,

Blue sky lies beyond.

All at once, God’s at work.

Everywhere around me, I see it

In this simultaneous rain and shine

He’s showing me His love.

Even in times of gray,

When shadows try to deceive

By standing in front of the light

The bright Truth still shines.

God’s love never ends

Darkness cannot overcome it;

True love always wins.

Under billowing clouds of uncertainty, doubt, and sadness,

You still hold me close.

I feel Your warmth; I’m in the palm of Your hand.

My relationship with You,

My encompassing all,

Holds steadfast, guiding me onward.

With you always with me,

Your touch evident through all creation,

I stand in the presence of the Light.

God Grows the Fruit of Your Good Work, Even if not Seen until Eternity

            You don’t always get to see the fruit of your goodness. Special traits and services like gentleness, hospitality, an open home, encouragement, spontaneous little acts to lend a hand, a listening ear, a friendly word, and a warm, welcoming heart and attitude sometimes go unnoticed or seem like they get thrown back in your face. As discouraging as that can get, God encourages us to always show love. Jesus commands us to “’Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another’” (John 13:34-35), and we do these things to serve and glorify God. Ultimately God produces the fruit, even if we don’t see it until eternity, and that’s what matters. We should never stop trying to show love because any time we shine God’s light a seed is planted, whether it ever grows or not, and God always has a greater purpose in everything.

            Despite feeling taken advantage of, doubtful of yourself, or discouraged because of these instances, the situations provide a chance to test your faith and obedience to God and an opportunity for growth in your relationship with Him. You get to practice being a true servant. Galatians 6:9-10 reminds us, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

            God’s assured me of this recently when I have felt discouraged by my efforts to love on some friends. Even if it seems like an act bounces off a person, it could serve as some warmth for that friend. God’s blessed me with the gifts of hospitality and encouragement to share His love, and I try to open my heart and my home to welcome my friends. Those gifts and my desire to have quality time and conversation with people drive me to express friendship through invitations for engagements like lunch, dinner, or tea dates (or the traditional weekly Sunday Tea open house). Typically this goes over well, and my friend(s) and I enjoy some bonding time together, but those cases also exist where people leave these proposals unanswered. That can happen for reasons ranging from they don’t really want to hang out with me to they don’t quite interact the same way as I do or they couldn’t make the one engagement and forget about others.

            God built me to hold a pen in my hand; I write people notes. While a couple friends have expressed how much my words have meant to them, a lot of times I don’t know exactly how the letter reaches the recipient. For all I know, people have gotten my letters in the mail and subsequently burned them. Maybe they’re read and tossed aside; maybe they’re put in a special box for such treasures. While I might get curious about what happens, it’s not the main reason for writing. I get to let God use me as a vessel to share His love through my words. No matter what happens to them, God uses them to warm my friends’ hearts, whether that happens immediately or years from now or whether I know it or not.

Once in a while small unknowns like that finally add up to make me feel doubtful of myself, but that’s not what matters. I serve God, and I try to glorify Him by sharing His love, especially in the ways He specially equipped me. These times of doubt remind me that I lean on Him as He’s always got me in the palm of His hand. In turn that shows me my real purpose: glorifying God and furthering His kingdom. If everything always went smoothly, I wouldn’t know how good things really are. The doubtful times remind me how to be a true servant. Even though I might not see the greater significance at the time, God works through everything for His plan and the good of everyone.

The Veiled Significance

They say love will keep you up all night
Now that we've said goodbye
My nights are filled with you
though I don't remember them entirely
I know you appear in my dreams
My thoughts carry you with me
I wake up reminded of you
because you're still there
In my slumber my heart reveals
the hope and love for you
that's still alive in me
and urges me to carry on
as over time the greater plan unfolds


Everything holds significance
for now we're apart
but someday we'll see how
our friendship shaped us
for each other or for another
planting seeds in our hearts
to blossom true love when we finally break down
admitting our desire to be loved
and stop hiding behind masks
both less up-in-arms
You'll lower your porcupine quills
and I'll stop pushing to maintain distance
we'll embrace one of God's greatest gifts
modeled after His great love for us


For now we continue our lives
in different places but always in God's world
living under His watch, witnessing Him weave into our lives
acting in everything, His beauty surrounding all
as His plans beyond imagination emerge as we follow Him
as we grow deeper
we fulfill our purpose
standing firm in God's salvation and love
A seed's been planted
but we must wait
to see if it blossoms
growing in a new field
or intertwining with my blooming love
but for now the significance remains veiled

In My Own Home

I've never felt this alone
The quiet's all around
Everyone I know
Everyone I loved
has gone away
but I'm still here
in the same place with the same face
only everything's changed

It's not the same without you here
Your presence gone, I feel the hole
a shadow on my heart
I used to rest assured, knowing you were near
Knowing you're not, I move forward
Your scent lost in the air
I go out under the same sky
and I carry on, wishing you were here

As it's time to transition again
I know life will be fine
My routine keeps me in check
as i adjust to this next part.
Though things aren't the same
I know you are there
whether or not we meet again

Myers Briggs Personality Types Reflected in the Gospels: An Ideological Criticism Connecting the Idealists’ Values to the Gospel of John

Introduction

            The Bible, known to Christians as God’s Word, creates the foundation for believers’ theology and living in their faith. God’s Son Jesus gets sent to earth to fulfill the scriptures, ultimately leading to His sacrificial death to provide salvation to all those who will follow Him. Four gospels exist in the beginning of the New Testament, each sharing an account of Jesus’ life. Since “a person’s response to Jesus determines his or her final destiny,” urgency exists for all people to encounter and believe Him. A way to experience this now happens through reading scripture, particularly the gospels.

            Readers can read the four gospels to gain a better understanding of the person of Jesus and His teachings. While they each follow the life of the same person, they each present different aspects of His ministry. Together they create a more complete picture of God’s Son. That there exist four accounts of the same story again hints at the importance of Jesus’ life and the salvation He brings. As each one emphasizes the themes differently and utilizes various styles, they can broaden appeal to all people. Every individual has a unique makeup, a different personality, and will be drawn to various aspects of Jesus and the life as His follower.

            Personality type can play a role in which gospel will most appeal to an individual. The Myers-Briggs personality indicator contains sixteen types, which fall into four categories. While the gospels all contain the same story with the same overarching themes and message, each still possesses its own uniqueness. Reflecting that originality and that all people have their special makeup of traits, theoretically everyone would find more appeal in one gospel over the others because it resonates more with them.

            Idealist is one of four categories, each containing four types, within the Myers Briggs personalities. All Idealists have the iNtuitive and Feeling preference (though can differ on the Introverted/Extroverted and Judging/Perceiving preferences), hence the reference NFs in David Kiersey’s book Please Understand Me II. These types typically get categorized based off their abstract language usage, including metaphor; focus on the future over the present and bigger picture over specific details; and appeal to personal relationships, community, and positive change.

            Specifically the Idealist types typically feel closest to John’s gospel because it reflects these values and characteristics. Their communication oftentimes consists of abstract language, including metaphor, and John’s account contains phraseology that mirrors this style. The “I am” statements and passages interspersed throughout the book especially illustrate this. Overall themes, verses, and passages also illustrate the Idealists’ values revolving around authentic personal identity, relationships and community, and positive growth. A close textual analysis of the text reveals evidence of these values found in John; an ideological approach provides a foundation to share the Idealists’ values and then illustrate the connections between them and the gospel of John. 

Literature Review

            Specifically for overall concepts for the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator, and the Idealists’ details specifically, a couple extensive books written to describe the types will provide appropriate background information. Isabel Briggs Myers identified sixteen different personality types, dividing into the four categories, each with four types within it, of Idealist (NF), Rational (NT), Guardian (SJ), and Artisan (SP). A person gets his type through a combination of four letters; each letter having two possibilities. The first will be I or E (Introverted or Extroverted), depending on how the person gets energized: by being around other people or by being alone. The second letter is S or N (Sensing or iNtuitive), which reflects how the person takes in information; it also plays a large role in how he communicates with other people. The third letter is F or T (Feeling or Thinking), which reflects how the person makes decisions. The last letter is either J or P (Judging or Perceiving), which reflects the person’s lifestyle. Briggs Myers and David Keirsey extensively outline these generalities and then how they specifically play out into each category and type in their books Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type and Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence. This background information creates a definition of Idealist as it will be used to illustrate why an individual with one of the Idealist personality types would prefer the Gospel of John over the other gospel accounts. Then the appropriate values of this type apply to the book of John. Samples of these overall themes include abstract language, use of metaphor, a focus on the future and the bigger picture rather than the present and specific details, personal identity, and more.

            Malcolm Goldsmith’s book Knowing Me, Knowing God and Dr. Charles Keating’s Who We Are Is How We Pray: Matching Personality and Spirituality provide a closer examination of the personality types as they pertain to individual spirituality. This gives more detail on the Idealists’ needs in this realm and hint at what to look for in the Gospel of John that reflects these needs. Keating’s work provides a better foundation and more authority on the subject, but they both share great insight. For a lot of their analyses, they examine by each particular letter the differences between the two for each aspect. While they don’t go into greater detail on the personality categories, this still gives a lot of information on the iNtuitive and Feeling parts that combine to make Idealists. Keating’s work also highlights prayer styles that might appeal to various specific types. 

Description of the Gospel of John

            This criticism focuses on the text from the Gospel of John, a significant part of the bible. As one of the four gospels, John outlines the life of the Savior Jesus Christ. The apostle John wrote this particular gospel somewhere around A.D. 70, and the writing indicates that he was one of Jesus’ twelve disciples and therefore a witness to Jesus’ life (ESV, 2015). It serves as a written account of the life of Jesus, as part of the bible that as a whole shares the Word of God, to illustrate the foundational theology, beliefs, and fulfillment of scripture for Christians in all time periods.

            John first wrote this, not long after Jesus’ death, to “Jews and Gentiles living in the larger Greco-Roman world in Ephesus” (ESV, 2015). He pens his account to show his audience that Jesus was the predicted messiah and that through Jesus they can find salvation. After acknowledging His gift of life through His sacrificial death on the cross, they can develop a deeper relationship with God through developing a more complete understanding and knowledge of the truth. The gospel still has this same purpose and effect today. Throughout all the time it has existed, it has served as a tool for people coming to know Christ and growing closer to Him. Study of this part of the Word helps Christians discover the person of Jesus, encountering Him as a relatable individual whom one can emulate as a model for Christian living. The gospel’s ability to strike a chord with its audience draws the readers closer to the text, fostering a deeper understanding of and relationship with God.

            To cultivate this growth, John chronologically covers events throughout Jesus’ entire life, starting with his description of God and how “’the Word became flesh and dwelt among us” and ending with Jesus’ resurrection three days after His death (ESV 1:14, 21). As the events unfold, readers witness the miracles Jesus performs, such as the healing of a blind man and raising his friend Lazarus from the dead (ESV 9, 11). This gospel in particular uses more symbolism than the other gospels. The miracles and His teachings prove that He is the anticipated savior. His birth, life, and death fulfill the previously written scripture. He dies so that through Him, everyone may have life.

Methodology

            This criticism applies the Idealist personality types to the Gospel of John, looking through the lens of ideological criticism. Using this perspective illustrates why an Idealist would be drawn to the Gospel of John over the other gospels because of general themes and ideologies that fit the Idealists.

            Ideological criticism examines artifacts to see reflected values in them. An artifact can share a person or group’s interpretation of a concept and even persuade those who encounter it to believe the same idea. Since so many items represent values on some level, an ideological criticism may be applied to numerous objects, ranging from artwork to literature of all styles to everyday cultural symbols like clothing. Examinations of these things allow critics to discover connections between the objects and the values they represent; it can create a better understanding of the culture or people who find the item important.

As Rhetorical Criticism points out, ideological criticism can be applied to almost anything. It lists “artifacts of popular culture such as advertisements, television shows, basketball games, concerts, coffee houses, computer games, lawn ornaments, films, Web sites, and songs” just to name a few common choices (214). Since this criticism applies to nearly any object, it makes it a viable approach for this analysis; specific Idealist themes can be identified and then found in the gospel, allowing me to illustrate that John appeals most to Idealists because it reflects what they value.

            Applying Myers-Briggs to scripture through ideology provides a smooth way to articulate these connections. Each of these themes falls under the overarching theme of the Idealist personality types. They will be discovered through a close textual analysis of the Gospel of John. This application will reveal the evidence of the Idealists’ values of abstract language use, positive change, personal growth, and community within the gospel of John.

            The Bible is a representative text of Christianity, but the Myers-Briggs aspect adds something new to the Christian living realm. People have begun looking into understanding personality to have a better grasp on individual prayer life; these include Keating and Goldsmith’s books pairing personality with spirituality. Some have hinted at the gospels each appealing to the different categories. The ideological approach provides a great way to connect personality theory to the scriptural text. This criticism provides a look at the Idealist personalities for their themes and then cluster instances in John that reflect those. This will highlight the important concepts of the Idealists and how John coincides with those, thus illustrating the Idealists’ attraction to John over the other gospels. This general discovery can help Christians realize that every individual’s spiritual life may be different, just as each life in general is different. Each person can find a personal approach to prayer that will bring him closer to God.

Analysis

            Idealists, as iNtuitives, tend to use more abstract language and focus more on the bigger picture as opposed to using concrete language and focusing on details. Part of this includes utilizing metaphor (Kiersey 121-122). The language used throughout John reflects this; this gospel contains Jesus’ famous “I am” statements, each indicating in a broad sense that He is God and the way to salvation. Among these seven declarations, Jesus describes Himself as “the bread of life,” “the light of the world,” “the door of the sheep,” “the good shepherd,” “the resurrection and the life,” “the way, the truth, and the life,” and “the true vine” (ESV, 6.35, 8.12, 10.7, 10.11, 11.25, 14.6, 15.1). Jesus speaking in metaphor in this gospel appeals to the Idealist personality types; they relate to the style of language and can look at Jesus and His speeches as part of the greater whole, the bigger picture. Rather than focusing on a myriad of specific, tangible details, this audience can read these “I am” statements to deepen their personal relationship with God through a greater understanding of Jesus as the way to salvation and eternal life because He gives life.

            A passage containing an “I am” statement, The Vine and the Branches in the first half of chapter 15, especially illustrates several aspects of the Idealist personality types. As found in other parts of this Gospel, Jesus uses an “I am” statement; in this case, “’I am the vine’” (NIV 15.5). This illustrates the use of metaphor, and the metaphor spoken by Jesus also illuminates the greater idea that He is the source of life (which is also found in the passage where He declares that He is the bread of life). The vine and branches, all connected with one another also reflects the Idealists’ emphasis on community. The development of a live, blossoming plant also illustrates their influence and interest in personal growth.

            Idealists thrive on relationships, where their interest in personal growth stems. Kiersey describes their natural allure to people: “Forming personal relationships, especially relationships which help others fulfill themselves, is of prime importance to Idealists, and they instinctively communicate caring for others and a willingness to become involved” (131). Again, the passage The Vine and the Branches reflects this value as it illustrates both an individual’s personal relationship with God and the community as held together as a whole. Jesus reminds His followers in verse four that they must remain in Him when He says, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me” (ESV 15.4). This emphasizes the connection between a Christian and Jesus and the necessity to maintain it, abiding in God. It also shows how God holds everyone together, whether a faithful follower or an unbeliever, as each branch represents an individual (ESV 2054).

            The direct objects of the “I am” statements, among other material objects mentioned in Jesus’ teachings, also serve as ways to better understand the greater truth in the messages. Commentary in the ESV Study Bible points out, “Though often misunderstood by Jesus’ hearers, the use of these tangible metaphors helps readers of John’s Gospel understand its message as they meditate on the analogies between these physical realities and spiritual truths” (2028). Idealists, as iNtuitives, especially like this because they seek a deeper understanding in seeing God’s hand acting in their everyday activity (Keating 61). In these passages, Jesus uses items encountered on a regular basis, thus giving the readers reminders of His presence in ordinary life. The objects themselves also require a deeper, abstract thought to see the greater significance as they include light, Jerusalem temple, physical birth, wind, water, food, bread, flesh and blood, door, shepherd, vine, cup, and breath (ESV 2028). Understanding the analogies and metaphors helps the Idealist readers make these connections between “physical realities and spiritual truths” as they encounter them on a daily basis (ESV 2028). The simple act of eating, among other seemingly ordinary activities, gives them an opportunity to reflect on God’s hand in their lives.

            The very beginning of the Gospel sets up the story of Jesus’ life and lays out the foundation for the account, revealing Idealist values. Rather than detailing the events leading up to and of Jesus’ birth, as do the other gospels, John describes how the Word became flesh through Jesus. First off, this coincides with the iNtuitives’ focus on the bigger picture rather than on detail like those with the Sensing preference. This keeps the focus on the greater significance of the birth of Jesus: salvation. It ultimately does this through metaphor again: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” (ESV 1.1). The whole opening shares that Jesus is the life, the light, and the truth of the world, themes that occur throughout the Gospel. Highlighting this and hinting at the ultimate salvation, verses 4-5 say, “In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (ESV).

            Idealists, as all Christians must follow, have to take that leap of faith to believe in the truth presented in the Bible, following God’s Law and teaching. As Keating points out when describing iNtuitives’ spirituality, “’Pascal’s point is that we can have certitude…even when the reason is unable to prove that of which we have certitude…When Pascal says that principles are felt by the heart, he is obviously talking about intuition’ (F. Copleston, S.J., History of Philosophy, v. 4, Paulist Press, 1976)” (57). Between their iNtuitive and Feeling preferences, they can feel this certainty rather than having to solely think through it, which helps overcome the mysteriousness not yet revealed (Keating 57). Idealists, as people who pay more attention to the future and on the bigger picture of a situation, also focus on possibilities and opportunity for growth, a dreamer-like quality (Keating 60). Passages within John reflect these values.

            When speaking to His disciples, Jesus illustrates the certainty of truth without having absolute knowledge in this mystery, requiring that leap of faith in feeling, when he says, “’If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free’” (NIV 8:31-32). As he emphasizes the importance of remaining obedient to Him, walking in relationship with Him daily, He also again reveals the faith required to continue that.

            Later, Jesus highlights the active participation in this leap and belief when He talks to Martha after Lazarus’ death (NIV 11). Verse 25 says, “Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?’” (NIV). The question also applies to readers of the Bible. They must believe this to have the resurrection and life through Jesus about which He clearly indicates. The ESV commentary on these verses points out, “Resurrection from the dead and genuine eternal life in fellowship with God are so closely tied to Jesus that they are embodied in Him and can be found only in relationship to him. Therefore believes in me implies personal trust in Christ” and the preposition into provides “the sense that genuine faith in Christ in a sense brings people ‘into’ Christ, so that they rest in and become united with Christ” (2046). To attain this personal connection in relationship with God, a follower must indeed follow Christ by taking that leap to have faith in Him. For Idealists, this can happen relatively easy as they will use intuitive feeling to overcome strictly rational thought. This allows faith in truth, in the mystery of God.

            Another part of a walk with God includes the Idealists’ value of the future, the possibilities held in that, and the opportunity for positive change and growth. Again, John has passages emphasizing these ideas. In chapter 14, Jesus tells His disciples, “’I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it’” (NIV 14.12-14). As hinted at within other verses, following Christ and sustaining a personal relationship with God brings about positive growth. Jesus even explicitly states here that His disciples, both then and now, “will do even greater things,” an especially appealing verse for Idealists as it alludes to the endless possibilities of what God can do, which Paul describes in Ephesians, saying, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” (NIV 14.12; 3.20). As the word imagine indicates in the Ephesians verse, Idealists can follow their future oriented, dreamer styled thinking, resting in the hope and promise that God will act positively in their lives and provide a fruitful future.

            The wells or springs of water theme found in John also emphasize these same values, again through the Idealists’ abstract language use. Through this motif, Jesus’ speeches share the promise of a future eternal life if one believes in Him now, starting a life in Him. In the passage about Jesus meeting the Samaritan woman at the well, Jesus says, “’Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life’” (NIV 4.13-14). He also says, “’Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him’” (NIV 7:38). The living water, symbolizing the Holy Spirit, again indicates a focus on the future and positive growth in it.

Conclusion

            The Idealist personality types will typically feel a closer to the gospel of John over the other gospel accounts because it reflects their values: abstract language use, including metaphor; focus on bigger picture and the future rather than specific details and the present; and emphases on personal relationships, community, and positive growth or change. The Bible containing four accounts of Jesus’ life, the most important story in the Scriptures, hints at the urgency for all people to have an understanding of Jesus so as to have a personal relationship with Him. As individuals vary in their unique makeup of traits, they will connect to different aspects of Jesus as a person and of their relationships with God as He acts in their lives.

            As the ESV Study Bible shares, “Doctrine equips people to fulfill their primary purpose, which is to glorify and delight in God through a deep personal knowledge of him. Meaningful relationship with God is dependent on correct knowledge of him” (2505). A Christian develops a doctrinal foundation through understanding Scripture, gaining insight into the mind of God. Idealists can focus on John, in addition to the other gospels and Bible as a whole, to gain the greatest insight into the mystery of God. Idealists can especially gain this through reading John because that gospel reflects their values, allowing them to enjoy the abstract language use to connect real life objects and situations to God’s active role in their lives to provide meaning.

Works Cited

Briggs Myers, Isabel, with Myers, Peter B. Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type.

CPP, California: 1980.

English Standard Version Study Bible. Illinois: Crossway, 2008.

Goldsmith, Malcolm. Knowing Me, Knowing God: Exploring Your Spitiuality with Myers-

Briggs. Abingdon, Nashville: 1997.

Keating, Charles L. Who We Are Is How We Pray: Matching Personality and Spirituality.

Twenty-Third, Connecticut: 1987.

Keirsey, David. Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence.

Prometheus Nemesis, California: 1998.

New International Version Bible. Michigan: Zondervan, 2005.

Popular Tunes Scream Unfaithfulness, and We Like It

            Most people notice the theme of love in music. This trend crosses into all genres of music and covers all aspects of love, ranging from expressing a desire to make love to falling in love to feeling heartbroken when a love ends. An act that can fall into all three of those general areas is cheating. Numerous songs explore infidelity. In just the songs “I Like It” by Enrique Iglesias, “Screaming Infidelities” by Dashboard Confessional, and “Unfaithful” by Rihanna, listeners can get a feel of a casual worldview of sex and infidelity and the lasting effects this betrayal act has on both the person partaking in it and the one to whom they are unfaithful.

Enrique Iglesias – “I Like It”

            Enrique Iglesias’s recent pop hit, “I Like It” sounds like other popular, upbeat melody currently gracing the radio waves and dance clubs. While it does provide a fun song overall, especially with its catchy melody, the lyrics hint at casual sex and infidelity. This coincides with some worldviews, particularly those who might listen to this song in a bar setting hoping to find a connection for the night.

            The lyrics of the song follow a narrative style; it might even be similar to the story of a person in the bar who sees an attractive person and decides to pursue her. At the very beginning of the song, Iglesias sings to “go set the club on fire,” and immediately, a woman catches his eye. Confidently, he approaches her. After declaring that they “can really let go,” he informs her, “My girlfriend is out of town, and I’m all alone. Your boyfriend is on vacation, and he doesn’t have to know.” It would appear that Iglesias has no regard for remaining faithful to the girlfriend he mentions; he also expects this woman to follow the same thinking pattern.

            It would appear, though, that they do contemplate the issue rather than simply jumping into an act of infidelity. Iglesias even shares his struggle in singing, “I’m trying to keep my hands off, but you’re begging me for more.” It doesn’t seem like he fights it very long or very hard however. His indication that he reads this woman as begging him for more attempts to shift his guilt; she now has a role in participating in this act.

            While they contemplate their actions, both the lyrics and the music reflect their thought processes. When Iglesias sings, “round, round, round/give a low, low, low/let the time pass/’cause we’re never getting old,” the words and melody mirror an image of two people circling each other, anticipating the next move. They are figuring each other out.

            For the most part, it would seem as though the male role is encouraging this action. He continuously comments on how he likes her and “the way [she] move[s]” and encourages her to do more. He specifically sings, “Baby I like it, the way you move on the floor. Baby I like it. Come on and give me some more. Oh yes I like it.” This would coincide with the stereotypical views of cheating. As it hints here through the song itself and in that a male sings it, it is more “acceptable” or “appealing” when a man partakes in the act of cheating. They also traditionally take the role of the pursuer.

            Then in general the song hints at people’s overall take on the casualness of sex and the interest in chasing such carnal treasures. As this is a popular top forty song that gets a lot of airplay and gets played at clubs, it has widespread appeal. It must have been written to appeal to these general listeners. At clubs and parties, a stereotypical view is that those attending are on the prowl, looking for some escape from the busyness or mundaneness of everyday life through alcohol and sex. While that may not be true for everyone, that idea is reflected here. The singer clearly expresses his interest in the woman he sees, explicitly declares that he has a girlfriend and that he recognizes that the woman has a boyfriend, and obviously pursues her anyway.

Dashboard Confessional – “Screaming Infidelities”

            The scenario in this song plays out differently than that in Iglesias’s catchy pop hit. This piece, done by a more indie-like alternative band, illustrates a deeper significance to cheating. In this case, the singer experiences his significant other cheating on him and shares his pain.

            Listeners are led to believe that the two lovers involved in this story have a serious relationship. In the first verse, the singer reflects on this singing, “I’m reading your note over again. There’s not a word that I comprehend, except when you signed it ‘I will love you always and forever.’” The relationship obviously means a lot to him, and knowing his girlfriend is cheating hurts deeply. It does not explicitly state when he got this specific letter, but it seems as though it might be a breakup letter. That could explain why “there’s not a word that I comprehend,” because he cannot fathom the relationship ending. The closing remark would also imply that a close relationship previously existed, even though it no longer does exist.

            While in Iglesias’s song, the lyrics hint that people can casually hook up with people outside their relationships and not inform their partners, the man in this song knows his woman cheats on him. He shares his knowledge singing, “But you’re not alone, and you’re not discreet. Make sure I know who’s taking you home,” and he reflects back on the relationship in efforts to figure out when the infidelity began. He reflects and questions in singing, “I’m missing your laugh. How did it break? And when did your eyes begin to look fake? I hope you’re as happy as you’re pretending.” This shows how much the infidelity stuns and hurts him, leading him now to question everything about this relationship.

            This questioning leads to him thinking back upon the details of their relationship, particularly the way that she interacted with him. Upon reflection, he sees signs of the infidelity. This brings him to the title of the track. Repeatedly, he sings, “Your hair, it’s everywhere screaming infidelities and taking its wear.”  Looking back, he can see the clear physical signs of this betrayal; it screams at him. Most importantly, he notes how it takes its wear. Now, he might appropriately question their entire relationship, wondering if anything ever was true. This, of course, can lead to him having a more difficult time trusting another woman in a future relationship.

            He does maintain humanity throughout the song though. Despite knowing that his girlfriend cheated on him, he does not seek revenge. He obviously suffers great pain, but he still expresses well wishes for her. The excerpt, “I’m cuddling close to blankets and sheets, and I am alone. In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home,” illustrates all these aspects. The singer sharing his action of lying in bed hugging his sheets shows his vulnerability, the authenticity of his pain. Yet he ends that part with expressing care for her. Him wanting to know she is safe at home could also be interpreted as him wishing he knew she was alone rather than with her other man, but either way he still wishes she “were safely at home.”

            This case of cheating chooses to illustrate the aftermath of the events, especially when they are continuous. In a sense, it still illustrates the more casual worldview idealized in Enrique Iglesias’s song. The woman in “Screaming Infidelities” chose to partake in another relationship, not honoring the one in which she was involved. Furthermore, it highlights how much the cheating person’s act affects the other person.

Rihanna – “Unfaithful”

            Rihanna’s song “Unfaithful” captures the aspects of the person partaking in infidelity and the effects it has on both the cheater and the cheated, particularly the cheater. In this case, the lyrics indicate a strong relationship. However, the woman singing shares that she is “unfaithful,” and she knows how much it hurts her boyfriend.

            Once again, both people in this relationship know about the one partner’s infidelity. They have not ended their relationship though, despite that it obviously hurts both of them. In the chorus Rihanna notes that “I know that he knows I’m unfaithful, and it kills him inside to know that I am happy with some other guy. I can see him dying.” The word choices of “kills” and “dying” imply the severity of the pain inflicted. Perhaps in a sense the situation truly causes some dying, though maybe not quite physical death. It obviously puts a strain on the relationship. The liveliness that could have previously existed might have dulled. Their trust in each other has to have waned. These terms are also used specifically with trust and love when she sings, “Our love, his trust, I might as well take a gun and put it to his head. Get it over with.” Once again the listeners can witness the connection of the betrayal to life. The knowledge that this man possesses about his significant other’s infidelity causes him deep pain. Since Rihanna compares her action to her putting a gun to his head, she recognizes how disruptive this experience can be on this man’s life and his general well-being. The hurt will affect him no matter what. His trust in her will never exist exactly as it did; if he gets involved in another relationship in the future, he will be more protective of his heart in trusting someone else.

            In a sense, this song can offer hope for couples to get through a cheating situation. The two people in this song have not split up despite the woman having an affair. He obviously means a lot to her, as is indicated when she sings, “He’s more than a man, and this is more than love. The reason that the sky is blue. But clouds are rolling in because I’m gone again, and to him I just can’t be true.” For her man to be more than a man, she thinks highly of him. Maybe to be more than a “man” he could be the always sought after “one.” Explaining that he is “the reason that the sky is blue” illustrates a deep connection to her, a correlation between her everyday life and her relationship with him. However, she also introduces this cloud overhead, foreshadowing the pain she inflicts upon him and their relationship. The cloud floating in as a result of her departure indicates that she means the world to him as well. Unfortunately though she must follow this with the knowledge that “to him [she] just can’t be true.”

            Coinciding with the hope for overcoming infidelity, she expresses a desire to end the pain. From the beginning, her word choice indicates that she feels remorse for her actions. She still uses words that imply love. She has “sorrow in [her] soul,” describes him as “more than a man” and their relationship as “more than love,” and begins the song with expressing her desire for “searching for the right.” She no longer wants to cause him pain. In one section, she begins most of her phrases with “I don’t,” beginning with “I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be the reason why. Every time I walk out the door, I see him die a little more inside. I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I don’t want to take away his life. I don’t want to be a murderer.” The melody of this, as it and the music is throughout the song, also reflects this pain in her. She recognizes the impact of her actions and does not want to cause this man so much distress. She can make this happen by either ending her affair or by ending her relationship.

            Whether this relationship ends or continues despite the infidelity, it successfully illustrates how such an act inevitably negatively affects both the cheating and cheated party. It shows the listeners that cheating has lasting effects and greatly injures both people in the relationship.

            All three of these songs show aspects of the act of cheating and the effects of infidelity. Though there seems to be an existing worldview that casual sex and affairs can happen, they still significantly affect everyone involved, including people not involved in the actual act. These effects last into future relationships as well. Someone who gets cheated on will carry that betrayal with them, potentially struggling with trust in the future. The people who have cheated will in turn carry the guilt of their actions. All those involved, whether directly or indirectly, will suffer some lasting effects.