A romantic relationship might arguably be “The Hardest Thing.” Love, its presence, its absence, its complications, and its benefits work their way into nearly every song. Pop songs, particularly by the popular nineties boy bands emphasize romance. 98 Degrees’ song “The Hardest Thing” presents the difficulty in breaking off a relationship. However, an interpretation of this song shows how attempting to let go of a love someone doesn’t actually want to cut off creates cognitive dissonance. The singer’s thought of leaving his girlfriend immediately puts him in a battle with himself. Following Monroe’s Motivated Sequence, he presents himself with what would potentially be his need to keep a distance from her if he were to break off the relationship. His overarching cause for dissonance comes from his desire to not live a lie, what he would do if he carried out the actions that would occur if he followed his vision presented through the lyrics and music video of the song.
The flow of the lyrics generally follows, or at least utilizes, each step of Monroe’s Motivated Sequence as he presents the problem, calling himself into the necessary action to carry out the decision he’s imagining making. Alan Monroe’s sequence breaks a message into “sensible parts; each step logically sets up the next” (Woodward & Denton 156). Persuasion and Influence in American Life outlines these steps: “Attention leads to recognition of a problem, which in turn will be satisfied by a solution. In the final two steps, the solution is made concrete through visualization, meaning the solution is shown as it might look in the lives of an audience. The sequence closes with an action step that asks the audience to commit to at least a first step in changing” (Woodward & Denton 156). The follow this pattern as the singer presents himself with the problem that would result from him making the decision to end his relationship, also creating the cognitive dissonance of living a lie. He imagines how events would unfold as he and this woman moved on with their lives, him still loving her, and what he would have to do to continue carrying out the initial action.
He calls attention to the problem as he addresses the woman at the beginning where he describes, “We both know that I shouldn’t be here/This is wrong/And baby it’s killing me. It’s killing you/Both of us trying to be strong” (Kipner & Frank 1998). If he broke off the relationship with her, he realizes that continuing to see her would eventually cause problems. He chooses the strong word “killing” to emphasize the hurt they would cause each other by maintaining contact without the connection. That immediately draws attention to the fact that he would have to cut off the relationship fully in order to cleanly let go.
From there, he starts imagining the need. If he makes this decision, he would have to follow it with a series of actions to ensure detachment. He has to convince himself to do this in the first place, so he would naturally still desire a connection with the woman he loves. He first points out how he’s “got somewhere else to be” as he imagines his life with someone else and then asserts to himself, “I’ve made up my mind/There is no turning back/She’s been good to me/And she deserves better than that” (Kipner & Frank 1998). In the chorus, he starts describing the solution to his problem with maintaining contact; he outlines what he would have to do to separate himself from his woman. He sings, “It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do/to look you in the eye/and tell you I don’t love you/It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to lie/to show no emotion when you start to cry” (Kipner & Frank 1998).
This also hints at the cognitive dissonance he feels regarding this potential decision. The music video reflects this as it depicts the lead singer as a boxer. That role creates the fighting analogy. The beginning of the video shows lead singer Nick Lachey preparing for a fight, practicing hitting a punching bag and lifting weights to develop the necessary strength. Then viewers see him in various shots in the ring, which represents his internal battle (The Hardest Thing 1999).
The lyrics continue to describe the solution to this battle as it visualizes how events would unfold if he were to decide to call this decision into action. After he cuts ties with his woman, he would have to conceal his love from her so that she would move on and so that he could try to move on with his life. He describes, “I can’t let you see what you mean to me/when my hands are tied and my heart’s not free/we’re not meant to be/It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do/to turn around and walk away/pretending I don’t love you” (Kipner & Frank 1998). He convinces himself that he would have to be true to his decision, trying to tell himself that he would be with someone else to whom he should remain loyal. Yet he still recognizes that he will see his love again: “I know that we’ll meet again/fate has a place and time” (Kipner & Frank 1998). He also still conveys his not wanting to let go as he sings, “Maybe another time, another day/as much as I want to, I can’t stay,” and declares that he will continue to love her secretly as he sings, “Like Dr. Zhivago/all my love I’ll be sending/and you will never know/’cause there will be no happy ending” (Kipner & Frank 1998). The last line in that part also recognizes that this scenario will not alleviate the dissonance he would experience for leaving his love, thus living a lie.
The overarching dissonance over not wanting to live a lie comes into play, leaving him at the need to take action by making a decision. The last lines of the song declare, “I don’t want to live a lie/what can I do?” (Kipner & Frank 1998). As he describes the potential sequence of events for carrying out the considered action, it becomes evident that doing so would create internal dissonance. The onset of that thought causes an internal battle, visually depicted as the singer’s role as a boxer. The deliberation brings him into the boxing rink, where he subjects himself to the hits. Before that, he attempts to build his strength to do it, and he sees how it affects his girlfriend in the process. She even appears in the rink as he prepares for the final fight, one of the two times he smiles in the video. When he envisions the actual breakup, he is geared up for actual fight. She cries; he attempts to conceal his love by keeping his gaze away from her, but he eventually turns his head toward her and kisses her. Then he enters the fighting ring, giving and taking hits. As he attempts to battle or deliberate over his decision, his girlfriend works her way toward the ring. When he sits back in the corner of the ring, looking defeated, he notices his girlfriend, who had worked her way to the front of the crowd. She smiles at him, and he returns it, relief apparent (The Hardest Thing 1999). The fight ends with him staying true to his values of not living a lie as he does not carry out the action related to the fight.
Given the content of the lyrics and the depiction of the lovers in the video, he must stay true to his relationship. The thought of leaving her instantly creates cognitive dissonance and starts an internal battle. The singer presents himself with a presentation of how events would unfold if he let his love go, telling himself what he would have to do to let them move on in their lives. The way in which he describes them highlight how they would make him live a lie, as he would continue loving her, though secretly. Battles get depicted through the lyrics as they describe how events would unfold, while revealing he would actually never stop loving her, and through the visual boxing analogy. Both these features of the song end with a determination to not take the action to end the relationship as he declares that he doesn’t “want to live a lie” and reconnects with his girlfriend, happy again.
References
The Hardest Thing (music video). 1999.
Kipner, Steve. Frank, David. (1998). The Hardest Thing (98 Degrees). On 98 Degrees and
Rising [cd]. New York: Motown Record Company.
Woodward, Gary C. Denton, Robert E. Jr. Persuasion and influence in American life.
Waveland: Illinois, 2009.
